I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
