come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
