Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
