Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
