and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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