I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
