it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
