so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's get the cat blown out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
