I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
