It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
