Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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