omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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