So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
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I just had sex on a roof
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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