also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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