I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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