i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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