hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
