It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Text me some of your sweat
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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