You're so nebulous sometimes
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
