Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
