Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.