He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
