I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize