I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
