It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
