i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
