I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
