I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
