hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
