Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
