I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
