What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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