i'm signing you up for texting rehab
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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