2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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