just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just cropdusted the office
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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