I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
