Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
