You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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