I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
