If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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