I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize