i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
