Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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