i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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