people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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