ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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