32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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