You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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