remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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