im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
