Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
