You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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