I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
