I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
