Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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