Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
this just has baby written all over it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
