I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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