smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
