I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
