She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
