I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
