the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
