Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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