my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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