Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
