ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
