this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
