singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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