this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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