Me too!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
