Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
