the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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