i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
